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Why love isn’t enough

Tony shows a couple how to build a lasting partnership through communication and self-awareness

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We all encounter challenges in our relationships, some more serious than others, but it’s how we handle them that ultimately matters.For many of us, when we feel pain, we tend to blame our partners. We criticize, close up. We avoid them, ignore them. All to play a game of who’s wrong and who’s right. But when you truly love someone – it doesn’t matter who’s wrong or who’s right. In fact, blame only takes our power away, and excuses only cause us to continue hurting each other.

Welcome back to the Tony Robbins Podcast. On today’s episode of the Real Breakthrough Series, we’re taking you back to Date With Destiny where Tony is working with Teresa and John, a couple fighting their way out of a painful past and trying to figure out a path towards a healthier, happier future.

While Teresa and John have made substantial progress since dealing with infidelity, they still struggle when it comes to constructive communication. They slip back into old ways, making excuses for their behavior and shirking responsibility for their actions. But it’s clear they are still deeply in love, and are committed to finding a better way.

Tony helps them see that if you’re having problems in your relationship, and feeling pain, it’s because you’re focused on yourself, not your partner. He helps them see that you can’t continue to focus on what you’re not getting, and what your partner’s not giving you. Because if you want to build an extraordinary relationship, you need to tear up the rules and start holding yourself 100% accountable for your experience.


[01:11] Episode introduction
[02:50] Meet Teresa
[03:05] Feeling unseen, misunderstood and unsafe
[04:00] Hidden rules a man needs to know
[04:45] What a man thinks an altercation is
[05:30] It may not be your fault, but it’s your responsibility
[06:00] The insanity of our rules
[08:20] Words can increase emotional intensity
[09:00] A different way of communicating
[09:45] A history of being unseen
[10:30] John owning his side of the street
[11:30] When a man feels criticized
[12:20] Change your story
[12:45] Changing your approach
[14:30] More drama than you need
[16:30] Communicate in a way you can be understood
[17:30] All excuses do is allow us to hurt each other
[18:00] Building a happier, healthier future together

Team Tony

Team Tony cultivates, curates and shares Tony Robbins’ stories and core principles, to help others achieve an extraordinary life.

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